Shameless Agitator

From The Middle Path by James Hollis,

As Jung said, neurosis is suffering which has not discovered its meaning. Keeping our appointment with midlife involves both the suffering and the search for its meaning. Then growth is possible.

When I woke up yesterday morning I felt like I was losing my mind. I guess that’s what happens when I’m determined to keep my conscious appointment. I have a stack of books I want to read, all about various aspects of Jungian psychology and the shadow. The only problem is that these books are not “light” reading. Sometimes I can only read a few pages before I need to walk away for a while.

Some may wonder why I am so determined to keep this conscious appointment. As yesterday’s excerpt explains, my shadow is already here and doing its own thing. Isn’t it better to be aware and participate? These forces are already at play in my life. I’d rather accept them and use them for good. The only other choice is to ignore them and then stand around wondering what caused all the destruction.

In Buddhism, there are Four Noble Truths: (1) Pain is inevitable, suffering is optional. (2) Clinging is suffering. (3) Liberation is possible. (4) The path to liberation is the Eightfold Path.

Every New Year, my resolution remains the same: Practice nonattachment. I’m not talking about detachment. There is a huge difference. When I talk about nonattachment, I mean that I try to stop clinging to the situation or person so hard that I lose sight of where it/they begin and where I end. It means that I still care deeply about the issue or person and I let go of the need to control the outcome.

I am a visual learner. I constantly see images pop into my mind to illustrate a point or teach a lesson. There is one I use to help remind me to practice nonattachment. When I am clinging, I see myself standing there with fists clenched, holding on tightly to a thought, an idea, a person, to the way something should be. I remind myself to practice nonattachment, so I open my hands and let go, creating spaciousness.

The true meaning of nonattachment is a full-out, full-body embrace of life. It’s a pure form of love. It’s loving without judging. It’s giving the people you love the space to be who they need to be. It’s about meeting people where they are. It’s respecting other ideas, other people. It’s agreeing to disagree.

So what does all this mean? One of my gifts (or curses) is that I can look at the big picture and see connections and links between ideas that may not appear related. While reading The Middle Path by James Hollis, I came across the quote I posted yesterday and the one I started with in this entry. Reading them over and over made me think about my studies in Buddhism and the idea of suffering. That led me to remember my New Years resolution to practice nonattachment, which is another way for me to try and free myself from suffering. Yet as I keep my conscious appointment with my shadow, I find myself struggling (and suffering). And sometimes I feel like I am losing my mind. Usually that’s my indication that I’ve been clinging too hard and need to remind myself to open my hands and let go.

Where am I going with this circular reasoning? Perhaps the destination is not important. It’s the journey that matters.